What Can Happen to You

VEVENDO VIDES – “Those Who Believe Will See”

Before reading further, keep the splitting, the rage, the hatred (disappointed love), and the fear of the person with Borderline in mind.

In the separation, YOU are the perpetrator – in their perception. The free-floating anxiety of the person with Borderline is now targeted and has a name: yours. As lovingly as they once spoke your name, that is how hatefully it is now.

A well-known physician (today one of Germany’s leading borderline specialists) once said:

“They would kill if necessary to escape this fear/danger.”

The Devaluation

Everything you did will be turned into something negative:

Did you study the disorder to help? → You are a “manipulative pseudo-therapist”
Were you loving and supportive? → You “controlled and dominated” them
Did you express your sexuality? → It was “perverted and coerced”

What Can Happen to You

1. Financial Consequences

Joint accounts are empty or frozen
Joint accounts are not released
The shared flat has been cleared out

Legally: In a marriage or marriage-like partnership, there is no theft. You must prove what belongs to you.

2. Cease-and-Desist Order

A document from a lawyer obligating you to refrain from certain actions under penalty of fine.

Important when signing:

Do not sign prematurely
If you do sign: always with the addition “Without acknowledgement of legal obligation”
Contractual penalties: typically 2,500 to 25,000 EUR
Legal costs: 800 to 1,600 EUR

3. Criminal Charges for:

a) Emotional/Psychological Harm For this, it is sufficient that your ex enters psychiatric treatment and obtains a stress syndrome certificate.

b) Sexual Assault Particularly relevant for men: during an argument, the person with Borderline may dissociate and go to the police. If you had sex shortly before:

Semen is detectable for 3-4 days
Bruises from “normal” sex can serve as evidence
Sounds during sex may have been heard by witnesses

c) Physical Assault The person with Borderline can visit a doctor and have bruises documented – regardless of how they were actually caused.

d) Stalking A flexible concept. Over the course of the relationship, you were conditioned to “fight.” That you do not know “this time it’s final” is irrelevant.

e) Defamation/Slander/Threats During arguments, you probably also said offensive things. The person with Borderline has collected these. One sentence is enough for a fine.

4. For the Self-Employed

An anonymous letter to the tax authority is sufficient for an audit.

5. For Fathers

Your children can be withheld from you. Reasons cited may include:

“Bad influence”
“Increased alcohol consumption”
“Threats”

The youth welfare office has no legal enforcement power. Court enforcement is difficult and lengthy.

6. Protection from Violence Act

A court order is often issued immediately without your presence – the ex-partner’s account is sufficient.

Consequences:

No contact allowed whatsoever
Per violation: 250,000 EUR or 6 months imprisonment
Even chance encounters can become problematic

7. Detention

To prevent violence, the police can hold you for 24 hours. After that, transfer to the judiciary. Up to 14 days can pass before you are brought before a judge.

Tips If Arrested

You only need to provide personal details (name, date of birth, address)
Make NO statements about your income
Immediately have your lawyer notified – that is your right
If refused: threaten a formal complaint against the officers
Note down names, badge numbers, and times

The Legal System

Under the law, you do not have to prove your innocence; the accuser must prove your guilt – theoretically. In practice:

“In dubio pro reo” (innocent until proven guilty) often exists only on paper
The ex-partner becomes a witness (through auxiliary prosecution)
As a witness, they “must” be believed

Tip: Always insist that the witness be sworn in. A false statement under oath carries more severe consequences.

Regional Differences

Handling varies:

Stricter: Bavaria, Baden-Württemberg, Saxony, Thuringia
More liberal: Hesse, North Rhine-Westphalia, Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania, Berlin-Brandenburg

What You Can Do

Document everything from the relationship (therapies, hospitalisations of the ex-partner)
Gather evidence of your ex-partner’s disorder
Get legal advice – before anything happens
Avoid all contact – that is the best protection

Conclusion

If you engage in a fight with the person with Borderline, the odds are against you. Do not expect fair play.

For the person with Borderline, you are the embodiment of the three Furies of Greek mythology:

Alecto, Tisiphone, and Megaera – “Unbridled rage, frenzied jealousy, and merciless revenge”

Reality exists not only when we see it – yet…

VEVENDO VIDES – Those who believe will see.